I'm a fall person

By I'm a fall person, I mean: I love the fall season. So far its been a beautiful fall in Chicago, unlike last year where mid-80s temps lasted through October.

Two of my best friends have moved abroad. Two of my favorite people to bounce ideas off of or just chat on the weekend. (Actually, three, if we're being technical: "one" is a married couple). Having spent over a year abroad, I know that being the one to stay put is not the tougher of the two options, however I can't help feeling a little bit sorry for myself at having to give up some of my bests on speed-dial for the year, or at least somewhat wistful at wishing we were all abroad at the same time. I am hoping that I will be a good keeper-in-toucher, knowing how frustrating it is to be truly just a phone call away, but a phone call fraught with some strange cross-continental psychological barrier (well, and expense and thought re: time zones). and emails, like blog posts, take time to type.

time that i could reallocate towards my school classes, improv class, school reading, other reading, keeping my room clean, cooking, yoga, running, job searching, watching the news/other tv/fake news thats better than real news, pondering (my) life, talking politics or theology...its not a tough life i lead.

its friday morning and right now i'm watching a colbert report morning rerun in my sweats, eating breakfast. i had been scheduled for class this morning, however i am switching from that ("easier") stats class into a more difficult one. i'm sure i will rue this decision in a few weeks. that said, this way i don't have friday class, i don't have to deal with STATA (a computer stats program i have worked with before), and i actually get to understand the statistics rather than just interpret them. i think that will work better for the way i learn anyway. we shall see.

in a couple hours i have improv class. this has been a very challenging level. (its only level 2). the focus is character work and group game work. i am dying (DYING) to do a SCENE. i can't wait to level 3, the scenework level. of course, that means level 2 has been very good for me. it means its stretching me, and what i needed. my teacher is a riot, and very good at what she does. she wrote the curriculum and says her goal is to show us our choices are good choices. that there are no wrong choices on stage. "my job is to make you sit in your own s--- until you enjoy the smell of it." i finally got what she meant when i went to abandon one of my on-stage choices and she stopped the action and said, carolyn GO BACK. go back and (exploit) what you were doing until it makes sense, until you like it. she was right, there is a reason for everything we do on stage. we have to commit to it, continue it, and trust the action and our fellow players to trust that there is a reason, and more, to help justify and draw out the reason.

another favorite saying of my teacher: on stage- try it on. off stage- get therapy. off stage- no no no! on stage- okay, try it on.
and one more: you are only limited by your lack of imagination and fear of feeling stupid.
(meaning, on stage you must imagine a world where whatever you are doing makes sense)

this level is challenging me to become a character on-stage, driven by my posture, tone of voice, etc, rather than try to come on stage with a cooky character i cooked up in the shower. its also challenging me not to be myself, nice generic person on stage, and to, as my previous teacher put it: be part of the problem! to play characters who act like i'd never act in real life. in real life, if you're stressed, i try to help. on stage? could not care less, *files nails.* which is funnier, right?